Ugh.

I'm pretty sure my mom was drunk at 4pm today.


So much for that intervention... A solid seven days of sobriety. Yay.

My sister went back to college yesterday. The family had feared my mom's recent sober stint would be out the window once she left. 

Everyday that I've called this week, I've been greeted very coldly. 

Hi. Yes, I'm fine. Just busy. Nice talking to you. See you later.

Each response was abrupt. The conversation felt like a ticking time bomb, as we both labored to stick to light topics. 

How's your weather? Yes, ours is cold too. How is work? Yes, mine is picking up, too.

I knew it was the alcoholism. I was a part of the intervention, so I was an enemy. She can't drink while my sister is there or she'll get tattled on... and her demon was livid. 

So I ignored the chill factor and insisted on calling every other day anyways. 

When I called today, I knew something was up.

She was acting silly... 


VERY silly.  

Like rambling about a dog she saw on AOL news who loved its owner - then immediately switched topics to a book she's reading within the same breath. 

Like asking the same questions 3x within ten minutes. 

Like stumbling over her words, sentences not quite all there. 

Like getting simple words mixed up and then bursting into spontaneous laughter.

You know that bell that always goes off in your head when something isn't quite right?

Yup, the one that rips and tears at your gut, mocking at how you could ever be so naive?

Deflation ran through my body as the talking progressed. Disappointment seared through my soul.

I knew it was too good to be true.

 
I think she may have slipped up a hint to why she drank. Attempting casualty, she said:

About an hour ago, your brother was out and your step father was out... and that's when I realized what it's going to feel like to be alone next year. It felt... so odd!

(My brother is graduating high school next month. She openly talks about her worst fear: empty next syndrome).

But the way she said it... it just sounded so much like a scream for help. 

A sneaky, subliminal way to say 'I'm drunk and I'm sorry but I'm hurting and I can't help it'.

Ooooh what to do, what to do, what to do.....