First Visit

Despite "the cold", I went to visit my mom earlier this week.

Surprisingly, there was no drama. 

Probably because there was no drinking.

My train arrived on Sunday evening. She was nervous about my arrival, and insisted on cleaning and serving the whole night. 

She's told me in the past that keeping busy is her way to take her mind off booze.

Despite fluttering around, she was good conversation. It was nice to have her back again, the woman I always knew in my childhood.

 
The next day, she was slammed at work. 

But who knows if she actually was slammed.... I think she was avoiding spending time with me.

Again, the elephant in the room was huge.

I was scheduled to meet the family therapist that afternoon. He's been helping everyone in my family for years, so I thought I should at least meet him.

He was nice - very New York - straight talker.

None of that 'how do you feel?' crap. 

He just let me know what the family has been going through and how to move forward.

After our meeting, I was inspired to confront the elephant. 

It was evident that the alcoholism did not like that idea.

But like a champ, she said 'Lets go for a ride'. 

We had a really great conversation in the car. 

She feels like her life after the divorce was a continual downward tailspin. And now that everything is leveling out, she says she suffers a form of 'mom PTSD'.

She says she doesn't know when the next anxiety attack is going to hit so she drowns away the possibility every night.

A part of me feels like it's an elaborate excuse. Another part of me feels humbled she confided in me. 

But unfortunately, the largest part of me feels like this will never go away.

Despite our open conversation, I felt a little frustrated. She insisted she wanted to get back to her old self... but was fairly adment about not going to AA regularly. 

"It's just not me. I'm not a drunk living under a bridge."

Which makes me feel like she doesn't see the correlation between the family drama and her booze problem?

Because in our family she is the drunk living under the bridge. And it needs to be properly addressed.

I left the next morning feeling relieved nothing explosive happened.... And determined to come back again soon.


Because there are never any break-throughs on the first try. It takes time.